Friendship and Toxicity Do Not Mix

We had been so busy that day at Dairy Queen. Summer was ending and school was starting in a week. The clock on the screens said that it was 11pm; it was time to close. I went about the dining space checking to make sure everything was done on my closing list, and locked the doors. I wanted to hurry and get home and sleep, so I made quick work of mopping my section. Before I left, I wanted to talk to my friend, Emily. As I talked to her, I checked my phone. That is when I saw the message from Katrina. 

I was at a loss for words; she had cut me out of the project we had been working on for the past year. My success in high school depended on that project. This news left me broken. I grabbed my belongings and rushed out of the restaurant to avoid the other workers from seeing me fight back tears. I raced home in my old, grey Honda sedan, ignoring the speed limits of this old country town. As I drove, I was blinded by angry, hot tears. My mind was speeding through thoughts as my car was down the road. I felt like forever before I reached home. I barely noticed my brother’s girlfriend’s car on the side of the driveway as I sped past and stopped harshly next to my parents car. I ran inside, fingering the looks my brother and his companion were surely giving me from her car. 

I finally made my way to my room. The room where I could finally let go of all my feelings. I could no longer think coherently. I was sick to my stomach with grief. I cried over what I thought at the time was the end of my success. My future was ruined. I cried for hours in the arms of my mother, who tried to calm me down. Once my tears and sobs had subsided, I was empty. I had failed at school and at being a friend. 

I had known that our friendship was weak at this point, but she betrayed me when she cut me out of our project. I couldn’t believe what had happened in to me at that moment. I had worked so hard to be a person that others liked, but it felt like all that hadn’t mattered. I walked through my home like a ghost. It felt like there was nothing left for me. When school resumed, I walked through the halls just to get from class to class. The white speckled floor of the hallways took up my field of vision between classes. I tried my hardest to avoid running into Katrina and any others who hung out with her. Luckily, I was able to change my schedule to avoid her as much as possible, which meant leaving school early. She was my living nightmare. I felt like I was always peeking around corners, just waiting for her to be there to hurt me more. 

Going through this ordeal was too hard to go through alone. The few friends that I had left, didn’t go to my school and who had already dealt with Katrina’s toxicity. They were the light in my darkness. I relied on them to make me feel better and to push away the loneliness. From them, I learned to be grateful for the true friends that I did have and to receive more help for my condition. With the strength gained from my friends, I sought out mental health professionals who helped me at that time. 

My friendship with Katrina was one of the best and worst events in my life so far. She taught me what it means to be a good friend by showing me the exact opposite. It’s not worth saving a friendship that the other party does not want to be apart of no matter your morals. I was lucky to learn this lesson early in life. I have always wanted to please the people I come in contact with, especially those with whom I develop a relationship. From this unfortunate experience, I’ve learned that not all people respond to kindness, but you can always kill a toxic person with kindness.