Friendship and Toxicity Do Not Mix

We’d been so busy that day at Dairy Queen. Summer was ending, and school was starting in a week. The clock read 11pm; it was time to close. I went about the dining space checking to make sure everything was done on my closing list and locked the doors. Wanting to hurry, get home, and sleep, I made quick work of mopping my section. Before I left, I wanted to talk to my friend, Emily. As I talked to her, I checked my phone. That’s when I saw the message from Katrina. 

I was at a loss for words; she had cut me out of the project we had been working on for the past year. My success in high school depended on that project. She knew this project was the showcase for my high school career. This news left me broken. I grabbed my belongings and rushed out of the restaurant to prevent the other workers from seeing me fight back tears.

 I raced home in my old, grey Honda sedan, ignoring the speed limits of this old country town. As I drove, I was blinded by angry, hot tears. My mind was speeding through thoughts as my car was down the road. What had changed between us? What had I done to make her hate me enough to ruin my future? Why was this happening to me? It felt like forever before I reached home. I noticed my brother’s girlfriend’s car on the side of the driveway as I sped past and stopped next to my parent’s car. I ran inside, ignoring the looks my brother and his companion were surely giving me from her car. 

I rushed to my room; the room where I could finally let go of all my feelings. My belongings dropped to the floor as I fell onto my cluttered bed. I could no longer think coherently. I was sick to my stomach with grief. I cried over what I thought at the time was the end of my success. My future was ruined. I cried from fear of failing the most important year of my life so far. I screamed out of anger from the unexpected betrayal from a trusted partner. I cried for hours in the arms of my mother, who tried to calm me down. Once my tears and sobs had subsided, I was empty. I had failed at school and at being a friend. 

I had known that our friendship was weak at this point, but she betrayed me when she cut me out of our project. We had been growing apart for the past year. We were not hanging out together anymore and even stopped talking to each other in class, despite sitting at the same table. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I had worked so hard to be a person that others liked, but it felt like all that hadn’t mattered at all. And worst of all, she partnered with our mutual friend, Cierra. 

I walked through my home like a ghost. It felt like there was nothing left for me. When school resumed, I walked through the halls just to get from class to class. The white speckled floor of the hallways took up my field of vision between classes. I tried my hardest to avoid running into Katrina and any others who hung out with her. Luckily, I was able to change my schedule to avoid her as much as possible, which meant leaving school early. She was my living nightmare. I felt like I was always peeking around corners, just waiting for her to be there to hurt me more. 

Going through this ordeal was too hard to go through alone. The few friends that I had left didn’t go to my school, and had already dealt with Katrina’s toxicity. They were the light in my darkness. I relied on them to make me feel better and to push away the loneliness. Amber was always there to watch Netflix with me. Emily made me laugh. Calisa gave me great hugs. Sharize was always there to watch scary movies and then complain that they weren’t scary at all. From them, I learned to be grateful for the true friends that I did have and to receive more help for my condition. With the strength gained from my friends, I sought out mental health professionals who helped me at that time. I was able to be pieced back together and continue on trying to reach my goals. 

Despite trying to be the bigger person in this conflict, I did appreciate the karma that she had brought upon herself. Instead of helping her partner set up a display for their project, she went to a concert. She had her own mother help her partner put together the whole thing. That choice was a big mistake. She lost Cierra as a friend from that decision. After all that drama, she still only got a ‘C’ on the project. Apparently the universe thought she deserved some cosmic retribution.

My friendship with Katrina was one of the best and worst events in my life. She taught me what it means to be a good friend by showing me the exact opposite. It’s not worth saving a friendship that the other party does not want to be apart of no matter your morals. I was lucky to learn this lesson early in life. I have always wanted to please the people I come in contact with, especially those with whom I develop a relationship. However, it is sad to say those kind of people just want to see you self-destruct. From this unfortunate experience, I’ve learned that not all people respond to kindness, but you can always kill a toxic person with kindness. Staying civil and responding to blatantly hurtful comments with calmly and with a smile.