Narrative and Proposal Essay Postscript

When asked to write a narrative where I would be recommending a change to something, I chose to write about the inadequate dealing of mental health issues. I focused on remedying the problem by addressing parents and families instead of those who are struggling with mental illnesses. My own experience with a parent who does not believe in mental illness helped make this decision. From my own experience, mental illness can drag you down and having a parent that does not support you, can drag you down even further. 

Luckily, I did so well on the essay the first time that I did not have to submit a revised version. With this essay, I began by creating an outline to help guide my writing. I separated my paper into sections: background information, personal experience, friends, and proposal. I included background information about myself to start the narrative as a discovery. My personal experience dealing with an unsupportive parent was what supported my proposal. I added the stories of my friends who also struggle with mental illness to increase my credibility and to add more evidence for my proposal. I closed the narrative with my proposal to attack mental health illness by reaching out to families instead of the individuals with mental illnesses. I not only addressed how my approach would benefit those with mental illnesses and decrease the number of people with mental illnesses, but I also addressed previous policies and how they had failed.

I did well on this second essay, but I was still having trouble grammar and punctuation. I struggled with switching between present and past tense. A few of my sentences were poorly phrased. With such sentences, the words used or the sentence structure made the message confusing or just unknown. Despite these problems, I still did well with using descriptive details and setting the scene.

If able to continue working on the essay, I would add more information about my friends’ situations. Even though I addressed their mental health issues, I did not connect them to their parents. It would have created a better understanding of how going to families first would be a better policy. I would have also liked to elaborate on what type of mental illnesses would benefit from my proposal. Mental illnesses that have to deal with physiology and the composition of DNA and the brain would not benefit from my proposal, since discussion cannot change the composition of someone’s body. I would have like to emphasize that my proposal would benefit those who have preventable mental illnesses such as depression and possibly anxiety.