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Growing up, whether I wanted to admit it or not, I always considered myself a wallflower. I was a fairly shy kid but still had an eagerness to be involved, even if it meant I had to observe from a distance. As I grew up this became a fairly regular habit of mine, almost like a comfort zone that I could internally resort to in social settings I didn’t feel entirely comfortable in. However, despite the comfort I found in occasionally, quietly observing, I started feeling ashamed with myself that I couldn’t be like some of the people I observed–the outgoing, social-butterflies that unapologetically occupied every room they were in and made the most of it. The underlying shame this mindset stuck me with stayed with me throughout the majority of my time in high school. There were so many ‘what-ifs’ regarding the potential of my interactions with people, whether it be new friends, connections, or contacts–all of which that had the potential to aid me personally, academically, and/or professionally if I could only get up off the wall and make the most of it–but, I couldn’t. At least not until I graduated high school that is. 

When I graduated, it was truly like my mind did a 180°; while of course this transition didn’t just happen overnight, removing myself from the environment where I initially established the negative mindset that affected me over the course of many years allowed me to reevaluate my circumstances and make a true change. I was also able to finally see the benefits that come with being a wallflower and reshape my relationship with it.

While there were instances in which I would resort back to old habits, I made a serious effort to put myself out there more and utilize the resources available to me, especially after I applied and was accepted into the Perry Honors College at Old Dominion University. I began going out to campus events during my first year in college such as mixers, organization fairs, and club interest meetings not only to meet new people and expose myself to new experiences, but to also see what the campus had to offer. Ultimately this led to some incredibly beneficial moments like changing my major from undecided to biomedical sciences, making connections with my professors, making new friends, and so many more.

Now, in my second semester of my sophomore year of college, I honestly believe I would have never made it to the point I’m at now had I continued living shamefully and fearfully without embracing all the potential I had to be successful and happy. I’m now more confident in my ability to go down difficult paths because I have the mental and emotional capacity to not only do so, but to insert myself into environments and around people that can aid me in reaching my goal. In fact, one of the greatest things that’s come out of my growth is the confidence I’ve gained in being able to achieve my professional goal, which is becoming a doctor. I’ve always had a passion for helping others and have firsthand witnessed the importance and significance of having a healthcare provider that is passionate about their patients’ health and wellbeing. Being the type of provider patients trust and feel comfortable with has always been a dream of mine but now, is starting to feel more and more like a very possible reality.

Two and a half years ago I didn’t think I’d have the wherewithal to accomplish a difficult feat such as the pre-med track due to it being so grueling and competitive you really have to put yourself out there to achieve your desired results, or really any other milestone I’ve reached the past few years. But now, I wholeheartedly believe in my abilities and know that I have what it takes to that as long as I take advantage of the resources before me–I don’t just have to sit back and watch while it happens to the people around me (even if it is still nice from time to time).