Top Artifacts

Artifact 5

I can recall a specific situation that happened in my adult life. There was a verbal confrontation between my mother, her partner, and I. It was a situation that got blown out of proportion by me because the problem was so miniscucle but my anger was fueled by past hurt and pain. It started with my mom rushing us from a family gathering because she didn’t want to make her partner upset by us potentially not being ready by the agreed upon departure time. I felt offended as a wife, mother, and adult because I was being micromanaged three hours before it was time for our familty to depart. So, I did like any other person would do if someone was breathing on the back of their neck. I exploded on my mom and her partner. I felt upset and isolated in my thoughts because in a house full of twenty people all eyes on me, and nobody chose to back me on my anger. I had to dig deep and ask myself what the root of the true problem was. Everything was changing, my family was changing from a single mom-daughter relationship, to a stranger being introduced and added into the family, which then caused my mom to act “different”. I Acted outside of my normal character where I would try to solve situations in a peaceful manner. I felt betrayed and confused, I also felt like the mother that I knew was disappearing before my eyes.  

I exhibited sub-traits of neuroticism that are not my norm. Impulsiveness, and angry hostility are two words that stuck out to me. If I’m using my experience alone, I definitely feel like context can influence our personality. Usually in situations that are more emotionally heightened.

The picture above shows a visibly angry woman, something that I’m usually not. And, if I am angry i try not to show it unless I absolutely have to. I connected with this picture because sometimes I just want to scream like this, even if people call me crazy. From the module 8 assignment I was able to reflect on a time where I wasn’t my usual self. I learned that maybe I would feel a little lighter if I was more unlike “myself”, and less of what everybody expects me to be!

Artifact 4

The definitive part of my childhood that I remember is always attending church. Religion was a major part of my upbringing, and the reason why I am who I am today. The fear backed teachings of hell, discouraged me from making a lot of crazy decisions. But, living in fear has also caused me much anxiety, and further caused perfectionism, OCD, depression and countless other things. I remember growing up being labeled as the “goodie two shoes”, and I never wanted to mess up anything that I felt like I had control over. But, the church for many African American families is a sign of hope. Even dating back to slavery, Christianity was seen as the only good thing in such a time of darkness. My ancestors held on to the promises of God, and hoped that one day they would no longer have to endure pain. 

So, when my family went to church the values that my parents were trying to 

instill in my sibling and I were kindness, selflessness, discipline, spiritual closeness, and countless other positive things. The church represents a lineage of belief for my culture. It is only unfortunate that the teachings had a negative impact on my psyche. Now I just have to pick up the pieces of my mind, and figure out where they fit at this point.

I made a simple drawing of a church to coincide with my module6 artifact assignment, because it was the thing that I remembered the most for having an effect on my life. From this assignment I learned that I must continuously be on the search for the root of my issues. As I was completing the work, I had time to actively reflect on past occasions, and current situations. I may not go to church anymore, but it definitely is still apart of my life.

Artifact 3

The picture that I’ve chosen to use out of relevance and pure convenience has nothing to do with the color of my skin or where I am from. Neither does it directly correlate with my ethnicity, or nationality, but it has everything to do with the culture of my immediate family. Elephants speak volume to my gender and what it means to be a woman in my family, but sadly they also have no real backstory aside from family tradition. A tradition started by my great-grandmother. 

All of the women in my family share a love of elephants. When you walk into any one of our houses the first thing you will see is an elephant displayed in some art form. Living close to our family members is a privilege most people take for granted. Sharing a love of something is how we choose to feel connected. Only in my older years  have I grown to find knowledge and more of a divine connection in the spiritual meaning that elephants possess; such as wisdom, peace, loyalty, strength, and determination. Although these meanings are not at the root of my family’s love for elephants, coincidentally they are exact examples of characteristics and values that the women in my family hold and strive to pass down to future generations.

My third favorite artifact assignment came from Module three. I chose the image because it was the easiest way for me to showcase something that means a lot to me. I learned through this assignment that I cherish simple things in life that hold no meaning or different meanings for other people. After completing this assignment I asked other family members about their connections with elephants and most of them gave me similar answers to my own, but some people had a totally different outlook.

Artifact 2

I’ve never been a person to fully accept enculturation. I like to push the envelope on what it means to be normal and release the thought that I must adhere to any rules or behave a certain way to be accepted. So, when it comes to parenting, I followed along with my same routine. I asked myself what I think is right? What do I think is wrong? How can I raise a human being that is kind, shows empathy, and that can be a positive light for themselves and others? My mom brings up the subject that my parenting skills are almost nothing like hers and we agree that we love it that way. In the most recent years my mom has become a lot more aware of how her parenting skills affected me as a person, and she has also become a lot more self-aware by healing and changing for the better. While doing this assignment I knew there would be differences between the answers of her parental values and mine, but I didn’t expect there to be so many similarities. In fact, many of our values were aligned according to the activity. My mom is a much more aggressive communicator than I, so I found a discrepancy in our answers for “Even if it means to make an enemy, we should clarify our position by stating our own ideas and thoughts firmly”. Because she sometimes wasn’t understanding, I vowed to try and understand others. Now I feel like I have leaped over to the opposite side of the spectrum and have taken on somewhat of a passive approach, and I don’t like that at all.

         Another discrepancy was found in the question asking, “When parents get older, it is children’s responsibility to take care of them by living with them” My grandmother lived with me for a period, and I felt honored. I respected the fact that I had direct access to someone who has been living on this earth for more than eighty years. I do think that if you have lived that long then you shouldn’t slowly perish in a facility with strangers. You should live out your days surrounded by the humans you helped to create. I don’t think it is fair to them, and I feel this way because my nana is now in a facility, and she always sounds so sorrowful. It’s disheartening at the least.

So, as much as I appreciate my mom and the wonderful values that she instilled in both of her daughter’s, nobody is perfect and sometimes we miss the mark on certain things. Abiding by parental ethnotheories is not always healthy or responsible. My current values are based on me taking responsibility for my own thoughts and actions and changing the things that I dislike about myself that are largely results of my parental and life experiences.

The Module 7 Archive assignment was bittersweet for me. I learned that my mom and I’s parenting skills aren’t that different. It’s not surprising, but it’s also bittersweet because I used to argue with her about so many things, only to end up being somewhat of a carbon copy of what once upon a time made me upset. My mom lives miles away from me now, and sometimes I just wish she were closer so that she could witness a product of her life. I chose this picture because my mother was so happy to be a spectator of one of my accomplishments, little did she know I was only able to succeed because of her many life sacrifices.

Artifact 1

1.     Write five happy episodes or situations which you have experienced in the past.

I chose all of my episodes/situations based on life changing events that have happened in my life since attending ODU as a freshman in 2011.

1. My first happy situation was meeting my future husband while attending ODU in 2011. We had an english class together and we got partnered up for an assignment to write a paper about one another, ever since then we’ve been inseparable.

2. My second happy situation was marrying the love of my life in 2015. We were young, and wrapped up in each other. Nothing anyone said mattered. People attempted to convince us not to get married, and we didn’t listen. We even made the decision to stop attending college together, so that we could get jobs high paying enough for us to move out on our own. Looking back, we made a lot of decisions that we weren’t happy with in the future, but those decisions have made us who we are today!

3. My third happy, yet painful, situation was giving birth to our first child. Although I endured a lot of pain we both were overjoyed to welcome a tiny human to our family. Up until that point we only had a dog named Danger and we loved him so much, yet we longed for something more. So, on November 4th 2018, Ever Jomei Cobbs entered the world, and he has changed us for the better everyday since!

4. My fourth happy situation was the announcement of the new edition to the Cobbs family. Nala Jai Cobbs was on the way with an expected due date of August 14th, 2021. Our family was on the way to completion. We had a boy which is what we wanted, and now a girl was on the way which, lucky for us, is also what we wanted. We started buying everything for the baby. Ever was excited to be a big brother. And, even before a baby shower we started receiving gifts from family and friends who also wanted to share in the joy with us. We couldn’t wait to hold and cherish our final addition. We were elated with all of the positivity that was always surrounding us. 

5. My fifth happy situation is complex. Sadly things are not always happy, and my family and I had to learn that in the hardest way possible, and it was quite frankly the saddest day of my life. On April 19th, 2021 we gave birth to our baby girl who was born without a heartbeat. Medically labeled a stillborn. Our baby girl whom we zealously anticipated was born into eternal rest. I know the situations were supposed to be happy, and this is, it just didn’t start happily. As the days went past one by one, I had to choose to find joy among the pain. So I became more grateful and honored to have carried a blessing. I was happy that she chose me as a mom even though she resides in heaven. She has taught me how to be better because sometimes life is extremely short, and the least I can do is actually live in honor of her lack of life. Nala Jai Cobbs is and will always be my baby girl. Although some days are emotionally exhausting for me when I think of the daughter that is not here physically on earth, she brings me joy when I think about how she will always be with me wherever I go. 

2.     Look at your responses again. Which episodes or situations do you think are associated with “socially disengaged emotions”? Which episodes or situations do you think are associated with “socially engaged emotions”? Write the numbers of the episodes.

(a)   Socially disengaged emotions: 5

            (b) Socially engaged emotions: 1, 2, 3, 4, 

Although I said that the loss of my daughter has brought me joy, it is impossible to shy away from the deep pain I will always have to endure. So I chose to put that in the category of disengaging emotions, because I have truly isolated myself after this situation. I have cut myself off from people who may not understand, and might say the worst things because of their fortunate lack of this experience. So, I know that’s not right, and I have had to seek help to get me through this tragic event, so one day I guess I will be better socially suited to deal with all people.

I chose the Module 7 Artifact as my number one artifact because it encompasses who I am as a person today. My visual representation is a compilation of everything that means the world to me. This was my favorite artifact because it helped me to rationalize things that have been hard for me to handle. While completing this artifact assignment I came to a realization that with time and through reflection, I can find a positive outlook for a seemingly negative situation.