Identifying & Ending Toxic Relationships
Toxic individuals cause and contribute to stressors that threaten the mental, emotional, and physical well-being of others. Whether on purpose or not, they often take more than they give and rarely take responsibility for the harm they cause. Toxic behavior results from unhealthy attachments to others and/or insecurities within the toxic individual. Cutting someone out of your life falls on a spectrum from “almost too easy” to “nearly impossible.” It mostly depends on how close you are to the toxic individual. It’s easy to rid yourself of someone you recently met but maybe not close friends or family. The very first thing you can do is identify the behavior itself so you know when it’s time to set boundaries or end things altogether.
Toxic Characteristics:
- Self-Victimization
- This person perceives themself as the victim in any negative situation despite their contribution to the outcome. Friendships with these people can be emotionally draining.
- Excessive Criticism
- This person makes others feel that everything they do is flawed by overly criticizing their every decision. This person will find flaws in everything you do yet won’t remove themself from the relationship.
- Excessive Negativity
- This person enjoys provoking others, creates problems, and feeds on the resulting negativity. They pretend to get along with people using disingenuous compliments, purposely puts you in uncomfortable situations, and/or aren’t genuinely happy when you accomplish something.
- Excessive Dishonesty
- This person lies frequently for their own benefit. They may want to seem more skilled or accomplished than they actually are. They may make excuses frequently for their behavior in an attempt to cover up a personal issue. They use lying out of fear as a mechanism to hold on to relationships.
- Manipulation and Control
- This person will take advantage of trust in a relationship to control aspects of your life. They may gaslights you or makes you feel unreasonably guilty. They may hurl your insecurities or talk you down to lift themselves up.
- Attention Seeking Behavior
- This person will go to great lengths to ensure the spotlight remains on them. Attention seeking despite potential harm: become the center of attention provoke reaction, embellish, seeking validation.
Ending Toxic Relationships:
- Set boundaries
- Make sure your boundaries are firm with repercussions if broken.
- Distance yourself
- This includes creating physical distance as well as distance on social media
- Suggest they seek professional help
- If this person is close to you and values your opinion they may appreciate the suggestion
Now What:
- Use a support system; surround yourself with positive people
- Be strong; you don’t owe an explanation to the toxic individual
- Forgive but don’t forget; remember to avoid allowing that person in
- Don’t feel bad; let go of any bad energy and realize you did what’s best
What if I’m Toxic:
Recognize the behavior that qualifies you as toxic. Pay attention to the people around you. Do they distance themselves from you? Do the negative opinions of others about you all wound the same? Do you seem to make enemies everywhere you go? Evaluate your relationship with yourself. If you are a consistently negative presence in someone’s life, then the answer to “Am I toxic?” is yes. Something is keeping you from being at peace with yourself, and you may have some healing to do. Consider seeking professional help.
