In this world, some people are blessed, or lucky enough, to have both parents around, parents who love and support you no matter how tough things may get. Then there are others, who are only fortunate to have just one active parent. Sucks to say, but it’s unfortunate that I only grew up with just my mom. Growing up was never the easiest thing to do, especially being raised by a single mother from the beginning. It all started 18 years ago…My mom LaToya, has always been a kind spirted woman, loving and did whatever needed to be done by any means necessary. She was a bright spirit to be around on a daily-bases. She made sure she instilled my faith, and reassured me that no matter what, God will never leave nor forsake me, despite what my earthly father may have done to me. On the other hand, my dad was one who never really cared about his emotions but cared what others thought, rather than care for those who needed him most. My dad enjoyed the company of trouble, bad habits and whatever he thought was a good time, which really was a bad time. Starting at the age 12, he’s always had a bad record, stealing, skipping class or fighting. My mom was always a helpful person, so she thought she could help him change his life around…but in fact, she couldn’t. It got worse from that point on.

I watched my mother struggle to take on all the responsibilities by herself, which was very difficult, she paid for me to attend private school for the past 6 years, took on extra hours, and work extra jobs to make ends meet; however, it was never enough to complete me, wasn’t enough guidance and life lessons to follow. I missed out on a lot due to not having a father’s viewpoint, and it was never enough to fill the fatherless void I’ve had to experience throughout the years. I wasn’t able to attend Father-Daughter dances, Donuts for Dads, and many more events.
I was raised in a single-family home. There was never a strong father figure growing up since my dad left me. He made the decision to not be around. I wasn’t able to really know who he was (other than the bad guy), or even what he liked. I spent many years writing Father’s Day cards but not being able to give them to him because my mom said “He’s in school” or “He’s at work” but it never made sense (who really worked that much, or who was in school for that long). I was too young to remember his presence or what a father’s love felt like. I always questioned why did things have to happen to me the way they did? I always asked God what I did to deserve a man who didn’t want to raise me, or have anything to do with me growing up? I always asked why my siblings came before me? Why wasn’t I special enough to get any love and attention? It was very heavy on my heart for many years growing up. Then another situation turned my life around for the worst, yet again, not the best. Knowing that my dad was a convict for the over the past twenty-four years is a lot for a eighteen-year old transitioning into freshman year of college to deal with. How do you deal with all the negative comments such as “Ha, that’s why you don’t have a dad!”, or not being able to attend “Father-Daughter” events is really tough on a child growing up.

A lot of people didn’t understand where I came from or why I am the way I am. People thought I was always happy, but in reality, I was hurt and emotional drained. I had the idea, that a man was to provide for his family, which included the children, but in my case, I couldn’t receive that love and affection by my earthly father. I realized how my selfish my dad was; he cared more about his needs rather than my needs of love. I had the idea that all fathers were perfect, and would never leave their little girl’s side (I always wanted to be a daddy’s girl), but not mine.
Growing up without a father was very painful, it still haunts me today as I am transitioning into a young-adult, but I won’t use it as an excuse for any of my actions. My mom made sure she instilled my faith, and reassured me that no matter what, God will never leave nor forsake me, despite what my earthly father may have done to me.I bring this story along with me, rather than locking it away in the past. At the end of the day, to believe it or not, I thank my father (yes, that sounds crazy), for allowing me to see how the real world is, knowing that everyone will not always be there for you, and not everyone wants to see you succeed in life. It taught me to never get your hopes up and to never expect so much from someone, who doesn’t even expect much for himself. This challenge in my life motivated me to open my heart, and mind to the world and to no put myself down because of the choices around me; it motivated me to do many great things in life and to push myself 10 times harder and let nothing or no one stop me from chasing my goals. God had bigger and better things for me in the future! Although life didn’t go the way I expected it to, and although I was hurt and emotional drained, the challenge helped me become who I am today, a strong, intelligent, independent young lady after Christ. I will not allow my father’s actions to dictate my life or hold me down. One of the best things about being fatherless is that, I learned that sometimes, God removes negative and toxic things from our life, only to heal us rather than harm us. God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. I know God will continue to take care of me and will protect me. I am forever grateful that God was my Father; I couldn’t imagine what I would do without him.

Memoir Reflection: As I look back on my Memoir, I noticed I could strengthen elaborating my story. Meaning I noticed I failed the audience with more details. I left them hanging. I could expanding each detail, rather than give the audience more than just a preview. The Memoir was to allow the reader(s) to experience my life, put themselves in my shoes and understand who I am and where I come from. There were parts of the paper where I didn’t discuss my mom as much as I should’ve saying she is the main foundation of my life; despite the paper being about my life without a father. I also let myself down…I didn’t reach my full potential of explaining my OWN story. It can be a lot harder to explain your story to someone, rather than experiencing it. I also had a hard time writing my story saying there was a word count, so even if I wanted to expanding my details, I really couldn’t; but I’m glad there was a word count because I didn’t want to bore the reader(s). Lastly, I feel as though I can work on my punctuation and my grammar errors; they were mine, but very noticeable during peer reviews. Overall, I feel like this Memoir was a great way for my to expression things i’ve been holding on to, letting the reader(s) in for a short period of time.